A Chipmunk Christmas at a normal speed

Click above to hear the chaos.

Star Wars + Christmas = Jedi Bells

Just when you thought it couldn't get any harder to keep a straight face when it came to horrible Christmas tie-in ideas, someone puts out Christmas in the Stars. This album features some interesting songs including such guests as C-3PO and R2-D2.
I guess it is rather fitting as people have already compared Luke and Jesus before. Let alone the reality that there are persons in England which have listed their official religion as Jedi. I am just waiting to sing the song, I Saw Mommy Kissing Bobba Fett.


Here are links to two of the songs I found most entertaining:

Christmas In The Stars

What Can You Get A Wookie For Christmas (When He Already Owns A Comb)

Just remember the checks keep coming in no matter how bad the product is when Star Wars is attached.

Queen in Japanese

Jesus for MVP

Honestly, who tackles Jesus?

Billy did and now he can't get in to heaven.

Happy Ninja Day!

This is a new one on me but today is supposedly the annual day of the ninja. So break out your shuriken, kunai, and makibishi.

And don't try to sneak up from the shadows of you will get a faceful of Shinobi style pummeling.

What's in a holiday?

I think it is interesting to see how twisted the upcoming holiday season can truly be. Countless people spend a great deal of time decorating their houses, putting up trees, planning parties, and buying presents all in the name of Christmas. It is entertaining to see facts blurred to the point where the truth is candy coated to satisfy the tastes of those who want to keep smiling. Regardless of whether you believe that many of our Christmas traditions are direct celebrations of the birth of Jesus or assimilated pagan customs is up to you. I just want to showcase our continuing obfuscation of the truth.

Take for instance a few items found at Target:

200-Light Kneeling Santa - 48"
The description reads, "A jolly Santa strikes a reverent pose, perfect for balancing the spirit of the holidays."

The best bit however is a comment left by a customer, "What does santa have to do with the birth of our lord? It is even more suprising that this item is sold out! Really people how "holy" is santa??? My rating for this item is a zero."

So how could they top that?

The True Story of Santa Claus
They have left out a description for this item. I guess they were left as speechless as I was.

There was one shameless abuse of our cultural ability to mix what we know and what we want to be at the web site T-ShirtHell.com.

They have several holiday themed wrapping papers available but the one that stood out to me was the paper featured here:
Christ Mas Tree Wrapping Paper

Sorry to be so obvious but with holiday shopping trends, politically correct terminology for either a "holiday tree" or "Christmas tree", and the perplexing question of "What really makes up fruitcake?" on my mind, I couldn't help but wonder a bit.

Happy Festivus

Disgusting youth

I am not a big fan of taking pleasure in the death of animals so I will say immediately that it would be a matter of Kharmic irony if something similar happened to this young man in a prison cell by someone named "Knuckles."

I found the most entertaining bit to be the friend who has one of the most annoying laughs ever. Part Tusken-Raider from Star Wars; part Louis from Revenge of the Nerds.

Get an inhaler already and quite biting the heads off animals.

The Great American Hunter

WGAL.com - Slideshow

"This doe jumped the fence, and I knew it didn't look exactly right," Becker said. "I thought about not shooting it, but then thought, 'We don't need it in the gene pool.'"

Just for clarification the hunter was talking about a 28 point "doe", yes I said doe, that he shot. Although he may have been quoting a portion of Michael Richards' latest act. One never knows.

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Reading Assistance for the Elderly or Pirates

This interesting piece of machinery is designed to help elderly persons turn the pages of magazines and books in the library. I think it is a fantastic idea but there seem to be so many questions left to be answered. At first I thought this would be a good tool for rare materials, but then I had a vision of an ancient tome being ripped asunder by the cold steely talons of technology.

On the plus side one-handed pirates can eat their lunch while reading their favorite tale of the high seas. Shiver me timbers....

Argument Clinic

Office Reality

Punch Out + Rock Out = Excellent

Click on the square above to play the video.

Punch Out! for the NES being covered by a band with a little too much Dire Straits in them for me.

Trainwrecks 'R' Us

Give it time...

Give it time...

Is it me or does this picture just scream "Princess of Pop."

On second thought maybe it is just me. I can't believe America is actually waiting for this waste of music industry money to make that inevitable comeback. But then again there is a precedent for this sort of thing in nature. I mean look at those locusts. Loud, annoying, destructive, and aesthetically unpleasing to the eye.

Now you decided which animal I was describing there.

This may be picky but...

I really get steamed when I get on the bus hoping for a somewhat tolerable ride but instead find my misanthropy increasing exponetially. The first culprit is the person who sits on the aisle seat rather than sliding ever so slightly toward the window, thus allowing someone to easily sit down. Granted this is probably a cultural "personal space" thing, but honestly would you rather have me sitting quietly beside you or resting my groin against your shoulder? I know I prefer the prior.

On the same note, there are many people who won't sit down, better utilizing the alread limited space, but instead stand directly in front of the open seat. And don't try asking them if they are going to sit down or if they could move a bit! I guess they are saving that space for an emergency.

Another flagrant daily bus annoyance are the people with very little to say but who feel the need to say it so loud Helen Keller would turn her head. This category also encompasses the extremely irritating cell phone monologues which seem to center around the previous evening's alcohol quantities or someone else's relationship problems.

The last culprit which I will address here is the always present over-encumbered passenger. Not a day goes by where I don't see some college student with a book bag filled with not only their textbooks but a bowling ball and half the population of Luxembourg. They seem to enjoy tempting fate by seeing just how close they can get their bag to your face without seeming to notice they are doing so. Let's just agree that if you are going to wear a backpack which is at least 3 times your normal body depth, could you at least take it off or keep it away from the sitting passengers. In the same category are the people who have just gone shopping or are bringing their life's possesions with them. Not only do they struggle to load their cargo onto the bus, but they also like to place it directly in the center of traffic.

I don't expect these things to change overnight, but for the good of us all (and my sanity) please try to be a bit mindful of everyone else when you jump on the short bus to Wyoming.

I was recently shown a knife catalog by a co-worker. I remember the days of living in rural Pennsylvania, selling rifles and buck tags. As those memories flooded back in like a Porta-John had been upended, I recalled having seen a similar magazine come through my mailbox on several occasions. At the time I thought nothing of it being that everyone carried a knife with them--I suppose for that occasion when one would need to gut a deer on the fly.

Regardless of the many questionable items contained within, I found their advertising campaign for the Christmas catalog rather disturbing. The thought of giving your relatives a replica Klingon dagger whilst Uncle Joe sloshes down another cup of nearly expired Egg Nog, albeit amusing, isn't quite how I picture the Yuletide season. Call me a traditionalist. There was something even more humorous about the thought of Santa sliding down your chimney with a bag full of 14 inch Colt Jungle Commander knives (p.71), belt buckles featuring a confederate flag with the title BUBBA written across it (p. 131), and a few Masonic Zippo lighters (p. 120). I just hope that Jolly Old St. Nick doesn't get his list smudged by the snow and give Billy a Stainless Steel Boot knife instead of that basketball he really wanted.

I also chuckled at the tag line "Who's on YOUR 'good' list?" on the website banner ad. I guess the terror inducing thought of the Grinch stealing Christmas has made even kind Kris Kringle pack some steel in his sleigh. And remember kids, you only get the REALLY good knives if you do your homework, eat your vegetables, and say your prayers. I know I am saying one now.

Sometimes I feel this is the most appropriate example of how difficult it is to get others to understand what seems blatantly obvious to everyone else.

One last question: "How do you make white 'whiter' in a design?" The answer is that you can't!

Drawing Restraint 9 (Trailer)

I recently went to see Matthew Barney's new film Drawing Restraint 9 at a local screening room. I was quite excited to actually get to view the latest work of an artist I have increasingly grown to admire. Having taken quite an interest in his prevoius Cremaster Cycle, I wondered what he had in store for me this time around.

Much like his earlier films, this piece featured many scenes of ritual or what hink of as "the practice of process." There are many things we take for granted in our everday lives which could be considered ritual: getting your morning coffee, shaving for work, preparing your tools for whatever job you do, or even eating a meal with your friends. Whereas the Cremaster Cycle, to me, seemed to focus on the rituals of American culture and in another aspect on the rituals involved in the making and appreciation of art; Drawing Restraint 9 began to use these ritual narratives to support a dialogue between what we do for spiritual reasons and what we do for material needs.

I don't want to give too much away for those who haven't seen it, but there were several scenes that I found to be quite interesting. The first was the scene in which a large tanker truck is lead toward the shipyards in a mock-parade. It is preceded by two large animals and a calvacade of celebrators. Looking upon this as a praise-giving event in these peoples lives, I found the juxtaposition of the beasts of burden, modern and primal, to be very well shown. Shortly thereafter Barney arrives to the large whaling vessel and looks like, quite frankly, either an unshaven beast or how I think Hemmingway would have dressed in his prime. His large fur coat and lengthy beard present him as either a savage or perhaps a once civilized man returning from a lengthy journey. He is then shaven by the ship's barber and proceeds to take off his coat to reveal the somewhat common dress of a denim shirt and denim pants. I see this as a direct connection to Cremaster 2 and the Western "cowboy" imagery shown throughout. The shaving ritual, done with such care and precision, made me instantly think of the transformation of self and as well the cleansing rituals needed to enter into a new state.

The other sequence of scenes that I truly found exciting were the transformation of the two guests into mythological beings. Through alteration of dress, customs, and in the end form; the two main characters express a natural process (mating) through a carefully executed ritual (tea ceremony/body mutilation.) In a cacophony of blood, tea, and petroleum jelly a ritual is completed that at the same instantly repulses and compels our senses into looking. There was something unsettling about the petroleum jelly filling the enclosed space and most probably forming into a gel around them. The globules of blood gracefully dancing in their secluded primordial environment, became frightening but yet delicately beautiful.

All in all I was delightfully inspired and wished that I could have seen the physical works and photos immediately after the viewing.

BBC NEWS Programmes The Power of Nightmares: Baby It's Cold Outside

Sometimes it's scary to think what is really going on behind the scenes in our governments--well in the world in general. I think there is some truth to this notion and perhaps an even greater truth in that our reliance on keeping faith has crippled our development as a proactive society. I mean if we can still have "experts" who debate evolutionary theory with the stern belief that Adam and Eve is the most plausible cause, or that Noah and the Ark could truly explain the phenomenon of extinction, is it so hard to believe that similar minds couldn't conjure a scary terrorist Bogey-man?

"At the heart of the story are two groups: the American neo-conservatives and the radical Islamists. Both were idealists who were born out of the failure of the liberal dream to build a better world. These two groups have changed the world but not in the way either intended. "

Too scary to fathom.

Japanese Case Mod
I don't know why but this reminds me of Dr. Who. I must admit I would love to have such a case for my PC but then again that may be because I watched too much of the Woodright Shop as a kid.

Paris Hilton wants a burger...

CNN.com - Hilton: Hurt by events 'blown out of proportion' - Sep 8, 2006

"I was just really hungry and I wanted to have an In-N-Out burger," she said.

Quite possibly the worst cover up for "I was high on Vicodin and Colt 45" ever. Granted normal rational thought is as difficult for Ms. Hilton as a hurdles course for Stephen Hawking.

But then again America loves a ditsy blonde, I mean look how well Tom Brokaw has done for himself.

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Gorillas are just shark food...

So we may actually get to see a gorilla get eaten by a shark after all.


Here we go againCNN.com - Scientist: Planet going back to dinosaur era - Sep 7, 2006:

Not only would some species simply find no suitable space to live anymore, but there would be confrontations with invasive species being forced to move their territory. This would produce not just wipe-outs but species' mixtures never seen before.

Trying out Deepest Sender

Curious to see how this works to save some time.

I decided to start a new blog for myself as my other blog on this site is now being tested for professional library use. This is to be a place for me to record my findings in the world of the bizarre, amazing and down-right excellent.

It will also be a place for me to vent steam without offending my fellow employees.


The first fun thing:

http://www.giantmicrobes.com/venereals/clap.html

I found these in a little import toy shop in Shadyside. They are plush toys depicting some of the nastiest little organisms. Well for all of you that know me you can already have guessed my reaction-sheer and utter delight. Of course my wife was slightly less than amused but I was ready to buy the whole lot. I just wonder what the appropriate card would be for giving someone a plush Gonorrhea?